Every story has a murder

The big news today is that the meat slab has in fact made Wendy sick. Or maybe it’s a coincidence. I’m not a doctor, but she kept me up all night with tummy trouble. She’s a little better today but I think it’s safe to conclude that the slab of meat was at least a little haunted.

Besides that, I wanted to tell you about what it’s like to live in a motel. Or more specifically, what it’s like to live at the Brentwood Motor Inn in Marquette, Michigan across from the Aplebee’s on US 41.

Features of the room:

1. The room cost $1000 a month plus $100 for the hound with a $500 fully refundable deposit. They didn’t ask me a goddamn thing about who I was or what I planned to get up to in said room. “Blogging, therapy and watching murder on YouTube!” Please someone ask me I’m dying to tell you.
2. I like the room a lot, all things considered. As mentioned in previous posts, Ive pushed the beds together and it has the most basic features: mini fridge, microwave, coffee maker, desk, dresser, TV, full bathroom, a hair dryer affixed to the wall, an actual telephone, and the bible. notable omissions include: Any semblance of a kitchen, a fold down ironing board, or a closet.
3. There are two paintings in the main room and one in the bathroom, each uglier than the last and not in a charming way. I think it must be illegal to have good art in a motel.
4. The in house wi fi isn’t terrible but it’s not good enough to work on zoom all day. I ordered something called Nomad Internet which you can look up online if you’re interested; it works flawlessly. Your girl doesn’t fuck around with anything less than the rainbow package.
5. The worst thing, almost a dealbreaker: I’d say maybe 20% of the time the fridge or something else in that corner makes a really loud, industrial hum, but worse than that, a sickly tone, and I think it would drive me literally insane if I didn’t have my noise cancelling headphones (air pod max’s in green and I’m not going to lie, they’re sick. happiness can in some units be bought. I felt guilty about buying them but now I see they were the completion of a necessary prophecy.)

Housekeeping:

The room has a pretty sturdy, lobby-like carpet throughout and I think they said I could put my sheets out once a week to be laundered but I don’t know when or how. There’s a laundromat not far from here that I haven’t had to use yet (stay tuned for that episode!) I brought my dyson vacuum with me but I think I forgot the charging chord, so vacuuming for the next three weeks has become a precious, non renewable resource.

Beyond that, I bought some basic cleaning supplies from the dollar store and I do my dishes in the bathtub.

Meal prep:

I brought an air fryer but I haven’t bothered using it yet. I’ve been eating a lot of the following: Ka’Chava brand superfood protein powder blended in a shaker bottle with milk (I brought my beast blender but again, haven’t used, a hard to clean monster under normal circumstances) cereal, fruits and vegetables, nuts, protein bars, spaghettios, lunchables and tv dinners. The coffee mate sucks, I wish I’d brought my nespresso from home. You might think a french press, but the grounds, man.

Culture:

I see the same 4 or 5 people all the time and have concluded these are the ones who are here for the winter. It doesn’t seem right to talk too much about them but they’re all nice people. A family, a retired woman, a couple of gruff men in cardhart jackets. No one has been anything but specifically kind and welcoming. Oh, well. A grumpy couple stayed next door for one night. They were annoyed they couldn’t get into their room with the code they’d been given and I tried to help them and failed. They were like “do you work here??” all snotty and I was like nah man I’m just on your side. I directed them to the lobby for help and hopefully softened their weary hearts, I think they’d been traveling for awhile.

Unknowns:

I haven’t turned on the television yet. Not like I’m too busy reading or something I just don’t think the tv is smart and I watch shit on my laptop instead. I would be curious to know what would happen. Probably the girl from The Ring would crawl out.

Also, where is the ice machine? I think it’s on the second floor but my door opens up right out to my car on the first and I haven’t the courage yet to venture up there.

Who killed Jon Benet. Are there people on other planets. Do my vitamins work.