Every story has a murder

All days are great and I’m thankful generally but this day had some unsavory parts. My mother was vey stressed about making these pies. From the start the project seemed doomed, she became weepy and fretful about how difficult and unlikely the whole thing was. It was strange to watch her forecast the future so plainly and then step into it. She tried three pies and each failed for different reasons. We learned later that she was trying to use an old family recipe with lard and other weird ingredients and her substitutions failed.

The truth is my mother’s family are a tough audience. They had candelabra on the table, jazz music playing, the house smells a certain way, my great uncle’s celebrated sculptures decorate the home they built from scratch in the 1940s with paper thin walls and floor to ceiling windows. You can’t feel any kind of way in that house but inadequate, if even an ounce of it lives inside of you you’re toast. My uncle is literally 100 years old. His daughter, my second cousin and my mother’s regular cousin, made the meal and buoyed the social. My mother brought store bought pies and no one cared.

I don’t want to talk about this anymore except to say my intention before we went was to use my imagination to find a way to enjoy myself, like try to embody the kind of person who wants to spend time with others. Instead, I was unable to use my imagination and felt trapped at a boring dinner party.

I’ve told a few people an amended version of the story, that I’m going to stay in a motel up in Marquette for a month. No one seems very surprised or have too many follow up questions, that I like.

My friend Aaron came over and played 4 games of Small World on my laptop while he was nearby for a family thing. That was a perfect social interaction. Put that one on the vision board for levels of hang to which I am willing to endure.

I also took the dogs to the woods and helped my mother put up her tree, put her boxes in the attic and moved furniture. It’s worth noting that today we were useful.